Sassy Gay Review of POMPEII; I Rooted for the Volcano the Whole Time

This week, as an avid lover of all things Ancient Greece and Rome, I had to go see Pompeii. We all know the story. Big Volcano explodes, decimating the progressive city of Pompeii, reducing it, and it’s citizens to ash. In order to fill space and time, writers decided to regurgitate a boring and repetitive story line to distract us from the inevitable. Poor, enslaved – but hot as hell – gladiator mans falls for pretty rich girl who of course has been promised to an evil Roman Senator who makes it his personal mission from the Gods to destroy the boy. Well you’re in luck Mr. Senator, there’s a volcano exploding threatening to kill everyone, so mazel tov.

Dear lawd, it’s like these classic Roman and Greek tragedies – whether it is Troy, Hercules, or Clash of the Titans – are DOOMED to be bad. The film was pegged as a marriage between Gladiator and Titanic yet lacked the beauty, story, and majesty of both and honestly an epic power ballad from the one Miss Celine Dion couldn’t have hurt the film as well.  Aside from some brilliant fight scenes the film is a complete pile of trash. There’s so much they could have done with this film, so much history that writers could have tapped into, but assumed that a ridiculous love story, some gladiators fighting, and spewing volcanic ash would appease audience members. It’s a subpar disaster film at best and audience’s only consolation is that we know there won’t be a sequel. God is it even worth assigning a rating for this film. I give Pompeii 1 X out of 5, only because they damn volcano worked so hard … oh and Kit Harington is like half naked for the majority of the film.